Contemplation in Suzhou

Suzhou.China

6:20 PM Starbucks-GuanXianJie

Conflicted, I sit and contemplate my life’s journey as I pass the mid-point of the China Project. Part of me feels I should focus my efforts and my energy on unveiling my inner being (true ‘self’) through meditation and practice of highest virtues, and part of me feels I should live at break-neck speed on the edge while fulfilling (or trying to fulfill) all my desires, going after every ‘piece of tail’ I can.

I realize, however, that the happiest and freest I have been is when I have foregone and transcended all pleasures, all desires, all pains and emotions. One might think such a state would leave one in a state of numbness, but, on the contrary, it is a true state of bliss where you can feel all the world flowing through you at once. It is a bliss I have been privileged enough to experience; only to let it slip away as I succumbed, again and again, to the temptations that presented themselves over and over again – often (most often) at my behest.

So now I once again sit in conflicted contemplation of where I am at (in ‘being’) and where I am going.

I guess I should just relax and just ‘be’ – flowing along in my little boat (life vessel) merrily down the stream.