Fear, The World Feels As Though Imploding

2007.09.10 Singapore
Fear. Why do we fear so? Why is it when we are faced with financial struggle do we find ourselves paralyzed in fear?
I have fallen into the clutches of fear and insecurity as never before. It eats away at me and has me so tighlty in its grip I can barely move. I am frozen, unable to function; unable to think or move. My only feeling is one of dread, one of fear, on of wishing I were dead.
As I was waking the other morning, this strange sense of dread started flowing into my consciousness as I began to wake; it was like a valve being opened and filling my clear, still mind that, had to that point been an empty vessel permeated by peace.
I actually find myself wondering why God didn't take my life that day in Thailand.
I find myself wishing I would have died.
I find myself wishing that all the pain were over.
I find myself wishing I could shrink my ego so that nothing mattered - that whatever life has in store for me would be merely a matter of course; the ebb and the flow would just be something I moved with, no harm in losing all, no worry about looking dumb, no angst in having to work hard, just living and experiencing, playing lifes game, dancing lifes dance.
So why... Why do I fear so. Why am I frozen in this fear induced paralysis? How can I escape this? How can I turn around the negative experiences and the capital flow (currently the capital is flowing outward faster than it's flowing inward). Where did my powers of manifestation slip off to?
I must emerge from this blue funk and regain my mastery of life.